The Canadian Invasion of the U.S. - Yes, This is Real!
- Kevin Lankes
- Jun 23
- 5 min read
Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YZQREnatyuE
One night at dinner, my dad said to all of us, “you know, Canada was going to invade America during World War II.” And we all sat in stunned silence and then laughed at him and thought he was nuts because he likes to tell stories. But then one of us looked it up and it turned out he was kind of right. Sorry, we didn’t believe you, Dad. Canada actually did try to invade America, and not even once, but twice.
The first time was called Defense Scheme No. 1, and it was devised right after WWI, because Canada wanted to make sure they were prepared for another world war, especially if this hypothetical massive global conflict were to rage much closer to home.
So they called up war hero James Sutherland “Buster” Brown and a handful of other lieutenant colonels who donned disguises and went incognito across the border to do recon for the plan. Brown hopped in a Model T and took pictures with an ancient Kodak camera around New York and Vermont. Brown developed a series of profiles and thoughts about the American people and their vulnerabilities. And those still seem pretty current. Now, the whole thing took on a farcical tone to the outside observer, as if it were a movie directed by Wes Anderson. Historian Pierre Burton, who wrote the book Marching As To War, said it had, quote, “a zany flavour about it, reminiscent of the silent comedies of the day.” A couple of Brown’s observations he pointed out in his report became a bit legendary, such as, and I quote: “If Americans are not actually lazy, they have a very deliberate way of working and apparently believe in frequent rests and gossip.” He said specifically that citizens of Vermont were “affable,” and would only become a threat “if aroused.” And then there’s this zinger: “the women of the rural districts appear to be a heavy and not very comely lot.” War hero Buster Brown, an original ‘your momma’ jokester. “Look, your momma’s so fat that Canada’s going to, like, invade you, bro.”
When his work was done, Defense Scheme No. 1 arrived. It was to be a five-pronged attack, and it focused specifically on speed and agility. Fast and mobile columns of soldiers would march south in five separate areas along the border, starting with the Pacific Command in Western Canada and running all the way East. They’d take Seattle, Spokane, and Portland in the west. Then something hilariously called Prairie Command would send troops to Fargo and Great Falls and work toward Minneapolis. Quebecois soldiers would set their sights on Albany and Maine would get laid upon by the Maritime Provinces. Upon succeeding in taking territory, the Canadians would hold their ground and wait to be fortified by British reinforcements.
Joke’s on Canada, though, because America was cooking up something called War Plan Red, which was our version of the same plan but just kind of in the other direction. And that was devised in 1930 with the help of none other than Charles Lindberg who flew secret reconnaissance missions to survey possible invasion routes. Lindberg was a major public hero of the time, but he was also an asshole. He pushed for the U.S. to use chemical weapons in the plan against Canada. Of course he did, because pretty soon after he literally became a Nazi. War Plan Red was classified all the way up until the 1970s, but the world got wind of it in a leak in the 30s, when, ironically, the plan was discovered by a Canadian journalist. War Plan Red was almost eerily just like a reverse Uno card of Defense Scheme No. 1.
And that could have been the end of things but Canada wasn’t done yet, so they double daddy daycare reversed once more and came up with the super creatively named Defense Scheme No. 2. And Buster Brown was right back at it again. He started planning pretty much right after the first plan was finished, but Defense Plan No. 2 wasn’t approved and ready until 1936. The idea was that Canada was attempting to prepare for the inevitable hot war to break out between the U.S. and Japan, and Canada wanted to make sure they did everything possible to remain neutral in the conflict. And that meant shoring up their Pacific Coast defenses.
There were a lot of issues with that, mostly in the area of political constraints, that translated to the fact that Canada was not going to remain neutral during WWII. They were right next to us, for one, and at that point they actually kind of liked us. And they still maintained close ties politically to Britain, so if they entered the war then Canada was likely right behind them. But they had Defense Scheme No. 2 and they were going to try to maintain it and hold fast.
Except that--horns in the deep--America wasn’t done either. In 1935, five years after War Plan Red was cooked up, Congress approved the allocation of $57 million to be spent on an updated version of the operation. Then, the largest war games in U.S. military history took place at Fort Drum that year, in preparation of possibly enacting War Plan Red. 36,000 American soldiers played fun games in the mud just about thirty miles from the border with Canada. They could see Canada from their foxholes. And then, about the time the games were raging, a U.S. brochure was somehow accidentally printed with some secret info that gave the whole thing away. I guess maybe Pete Hegseth was running the defense department back then, too, because he leaked the fact that those super innocuous civilian airports we just happened to be building right on the border were actually military and we were going to use them to take down Beavertown.
Fortunately for everyone on both sides of the border, either here in the States or north beyond the wall, none of these plans ultimately went anywhere. But there were moments when they might have. And nowadays it feels a little like we may have to think about this stuff again. Trump hasn’t talked much lately about taking over Canada, but who knows when he’s going to dive in to his greatest hits again and pull out that gem. And like, maybe we truly would be better together. It would certainly change the face of Western politics and I kind of don’t see how the GOP wins out in that equation actually so it’s weird that anyone over there wants to do this. But maybe a peaceful invasion and incorporation of the U.S. and Canada is just what the world needs. A super group, when two bands once were separate, with jealousies and neuroses about each other getting tossed around with plans to supplant one another, and just have them come together instead and make each other better. May favorite supergroup was Audioslave. I always thought they were criminally underrated. But maybe soon my new favorite could be Canerica. Ameranada. We’ll workshop it.
I’ll see you in the next one. Until then, be good to your neighbors. Don’t threaten them with secret war plans. It’s just bad form. Let’s do some f*cking good instead.
Episode sources:
Comments